Sacrifice as a principle in marriage equals Ben and Jerry's ice cream

I'm taking a time portal back to 1997.  I only had 3 kiddos then, ages 6,4, and 4 months old.  We lived in this wonderful house in Pocatello, Idaho:

                                          Front of the house with my hubby and our then infant son.

Back yard with our two oldest children.

I absolutely loved living in this house.  The house was built in the 1920s, if I remember correctly.  It had a large backyard with a large apple tree, a plum tree, choke-cherry tree, and apricot tree. I also planted and harvested from a large garden, and planted strawberry and raspberry plants.  I enjoyed having friends and family over for barbecues in this backyard. 

Having small children, I enjoyed a large support group of friends both in a neighborhood group, and within my church community.  I was involved in a neighborhood group that rotated a "Joy School" for our pre-schoolers, and in another group called "Le Leche League".   Within this group I had great friends, and we made a "baby-sitting" co-op so that we could give each other a break so that we could go shopping by ourselves, go to appointments, or just relax for an hour or two, or go out on a date with our husbands.  Such a support of great friends, neighbors, and church community was vital as a mother of little ones!  My husband, children, and I loved living in this home and community!

One day though, hubby came home from work excited about an opportunity for a promotion to a position he very much wanted.  It was a valuable change he wanted for a number of reasons, reasons within himself personally, and professionally.  I loved my husband and certainly wanted him to do what he needed to do to advance in his career so I encouraged him to go for it!  

As hubby completed his resume and interviews for this job, I began the task of taking care of little ones with Chicken Pox!  As we waited to find out if hubby got the job, I took care of first my 6 year old, then my 4 year old sporting red bumps and itchiness all over their bodies!  My 4 year old developed a horrible case of Chicken Pox, spreading to the inside of his ears and throat, between toes, and having a temperature that soared to 104 degrees.  One morning, as he lay prostrate on my bed in agony, I noticed a few red spots developing on my 4 month old baby!  I was sitting on the floor, tending to a fussy baby and desperately sick little boy when the phone rang.  It was hubby!  

"Guess what?!" he exclaimed!

"What?" I replied.

"We are moving to Ogden, Utah! I got the job!"  

Thud.

Moving to Utah?!   I was so happy for him, but I was floored at the thought of a move so far away, out of state!  Nevertheless, I expressed happiness for him, and congratulated him profusely.  I knew this meant so much to him.

So,  we packed up the house,  quickly took a trip to Utah to find a home, and made our move.

North Ogden home.

September of 1997 found our family in a new home in Utah.  My husband was starting a new job, and I was adjusting to a new area with 3 young children in a community with no family, and no friends.  Hubby had to immediately take a 2 week trip out of state for training.  I had a baby and preschooler at home and a new first grader.  

How did I cope?  While my little girl was in school, I played cars with my 4 year old, and watch the OJ Simpson trial while rocking and nursing my baby. OH!  And getting a babysitter when I could to hide away and "dine" on Ben and Jerry's ice cream and read "The Work and the Glory" book series!

To this day, when I look at my set of "The Work and the Glory" books, I think of 4 things:

1- Lonely days adjusting to a new state with young children, playing cars with my then 4 year old son

2- Listening to the O.J. Simpson trials

3- Reading the set while holding and rocking my baby

4- Ben and Jerry's ice cream

Leaving the comfort of a strong support group of family and friends while raising my family, in a state I dearly loved, was hard.  But having done it for my husband whom I love with all my heart, it wasn't such a sacrifice. He was able to advance in his career as he had hoped, and it was a blessing for our family.

What about hubby? He has made sacrifices for me, too!  Here is one:

Annie, my West Highland Terrier

I love my dog!  But, my hubby didn't grow up with dogs and having one has been a sacrifice for him. 

I appreciate my husband so much for letting me have my dog!

As we sacrifice for each other, it's amazing how much our love actually grows! Marriage is an enriching experience where in the more we give, and sacrifice, the more we get.

The highchair

So, in between working on school classes and taking care of family, and just everyday endeavors, I've been working on this project:

I LOVE working on projects! It's something that makes me happy.  I love taking something old and used and making it new again.  I spend hours looking at different ways of refurbishing something. For this chair, I've tried to make up my mind between staining it after cleaning and stripping it, or painting it. As this is all wood, it seems a shame to paint it.  But, I had originally purchased this at a garage sale to resell, but I tend to get attached to something I've worked on.  Then again, I have another vintage wood high chair I can also refurbish to keep.  But then again, at Christmas I get to have all 4 of my grand-babies  here so won't I need at least 2 high chairs?  Such is my rationalization!  LOL!  

When looking at different refurbished vintage wood high chairs, I found two colors of paint I really want to use. One is a pale light pink, the other is a light blue. Well, that's perfect! I have on girl granddaughter and I'm just SURE someday I'll have another, and I have 3 grandsons! Great reason to keep them, don't you think?! 

Once the paint drys, I have plans of stenciling a picture on the back of the highchair. I'm just so excited! I have my vision of how I want this to be! 

What solidified my decision to paint the chair was this:

There are a lot of scratches and such on this chair.  And, the tone of the wood is uneven.  I've been trying to determine if it is just the wood, or the previous stain.  The wood, in a lot of places, is quite light, and soft. In other places it doesn't seem as light or soft.  So, maybe there are several types of wood? Regardless, the seat is quite worn in some spots.   

Now that I have my vision in mind, the work to make that vision a reality has begun.  

This chair was incredibly dirty, so my first step was to give it a good initial wipe down.  The varnish was worn, and thick. After the wipe down, I put stripper on and let it set for an hour, per the instructions.  

The stripping has been an incredibly long and tedious project.  In some places the varnish has been thick and stubborn.  I don't want to scratch the wood or damage it anymore then it is, so I've been careful with the scrapper. In some places, I've had to use the stripper twice.  So, I strip the varnish in one area, lightly sand, then clean that area with a mix of Murphy's wood cleaner and water, per the instructions.  I'm almost done with this part of the project. Hurrah!!!   Hopefully, by next Monday when I post again, I'll have this painted! I'll take pictures and post it here!

I guess this is a lot like marriage, isn't it? (You knew that had to be coming, because this is a blog about marriage! )

Before marriage, you have a vision of what you want it to be.  For me, that meant an eternal "vision", per the "Proclamation on the Family"

"The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally." 

Meaning, hubby and I can be together forever.  And, this part of the Proclamation meant, and means, so much to me:

"Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities."

When we were first married, it's easy to be unified and forgive each other. Everything is happy in the first year of marriage! Then reality sets in.

Because, dang it, he doesn't put the pots and pans away I like, and I crowd out the bathroom with my things! 

And then the bigger, real problems set in. I don't do things the way his parents did, and he doesn't do things the way my parents did, and we both think that the other "guy" is just out of his mind and all wrong.

Those differences can escalate.  Unless...

We start shaping things and work on the original vision. Just like my highchair. 

For me, that meant scraping away a lot of pride. 

Ezra Taft Benson, a former president of my Church, said this about pride:

"Selfishness is one of the more common faces of pride. 'How everything affects me' is the center of all that matters' ".   And:

"Another face of pride is contention. Arguments, fights, unrighteous dominion, (one thinking they are "boss" over the other.), ... spouse abuse,..  Contention in our families drives the Spirit of the Lord away. It also drives many of our family members away. Contention ranges from a hostile spoken word to worldwide conflict."

It isn't that you don't disagree, but how you disagree.  In my marriage 300 class in college, we are reading a book called "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John M. Gottman.  Chapter 4 is about "Letting Your Partner Influence You."  It's taken me years to let go of my pride and strong will, and let Steve "influence" me.  Well, ok, except this year, in the Presidential Race. See:

We've just kind of agreed to disagree, and make a big joke out of it!  My sign is bigger, so I WIN!  LOL! 

Marriage means setting aside our own preconceived notions that we are always right, and our ways and the ways of our own parents and family is always right, and conceding that maybe we can learn something from our spouse.  It means looking out for their happiness first.  

I guess like my hubby letting me put taking the kids out to lunch sometimes into the budget, and me letting him put his sign up next to mine on our front lawn!  (I'm just kidding!)

So here's to "stripping off the old" on me, and painting on the new for something better ... the beauty of what is possible when I share with my husband, and let myself learn from him!